No time to read? No problem. I’ve included an audio version for you!
“Bad things happen in life, so the faster you accept that the better!”
That’s not a comforting thing to hear at any age, let alone at nine years old. But that’s what my father told me the year my mother left me and my baby sister, who was barely out of diapers.
My Dad was a man of few words, but those words always carried weight. I eventually began to call him Philosopher Dad because he always had a line of philosophy for every problem. It was actually quite annoying at the time!
His philosophy was both the compass and the curriculum, as he raised us in a coal-mining town in Cape Breton while struggling with his own addictions.
When I was ready to quit high school before finishing grade 10, Dad didn’t lecture me – he simply said, “That’s an adult decision that comes with adult consequences.” He gave me a month to find a job and start paying room-and-board. And, after serving pizza for minimum wage all summer, I discovered there was always more month than money. I couldn’t wait to return to school.
When I was preparing to graduate from high school, I was lost again – uncertain of my direction in life. Dad gave me a book by M. Scott Peck called The Road Less Traveled. I still refer to that book to help me understand the psychology of love, responsibility, and growth.
Growing up without a mother left scars – obsessive behaviours, unhealthy relationships, and depression that I self-medicated with alcohol & other drugs. But my father’s voice remained my anchor. He always said, “Lady life is a tough teacher because we always get the test before the lesson.
In my twenties, Dad gave me another book – Harold Kushner’s “When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Kushner’s reflections on suffering mirrored Dad’s wisdom. Life is a series of events, shaped by our choices; yet some circumstances – like genetic anomalies – are out of our control.
I know this personally. My nephew Tyler was born with Williams Syndrome, a genetic condition bringing both challenges and gifts. Tyler struggles with health issues and learning difficulties, but he also radiates joy, charm, and an extraordinary love of music.
Dad’s philosophy taught us to focus on blessings rather than deficits.
Years later, when Dad was diagnosed with Lewy body dementia, we again faced the question: why do bad things happen? The disease was devastating, yet we found gratitude that his suffering was not prolonged, and that he had lived fully.
Even today, I return to Dad’s simple advice: bad things happen, so accept them quickly. That acceptance is not resignation. It is resilience. We can’t choose every event in life, but we can choose our response. Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
Philosopher Dad taught me that we are defined not by what happens to us, but by how we meet it. Whether the glass looks half-empty or half-full is our choice. And when we choose to see it as full – and brimming with possibilities – we feed not just our own soul, but also the soul of the universe itself.
May the force be with you, and remember…
YOU are the force!
Tanya MacIntyre is a Certified CBT Specialist, Mental Health Professional, and founder of Red Roof Recovery (RRR) and Mental Health Fitness Alliance (MHFA).
Disclaimer: this content is not intended to constitute, or be a substitute for, medical diagnosis or treatment. Never disregard medical advice from a doctor, or delay in seeking it, because of something you have watched, read, or heard from anyone at RRR or MHFA.