My first relapse came when I started to compare myself to my mother and told myself, “I’ll never be that bad.” And when the same consequences eventually came to my life, I chose to stop the insanity and resigned to finally quit using harmful substances forever!
That decision lasted for either several hours, several days, several weeks, or several months… and sometimes even several years.
The first step to my sustained abstinence was to accept that I could easily become “as bad as my mother.”
The boundary between addiction and recovery can take awhile to build ~ and sometimes even longer to stop moving it.
The boundary (or ‘line in the sand’) is meant to be a permanent structure that we do not cross, even when times get tough.
The next thing I had to accept is that I’m a fallible human and I will always have doubts and question myself.
Unfortunately, our boundaries are not made of bricks ~ and they can be too easily moved. But, they can only be moved by our Decisions, Plans, and Actions.
Before I took action to move that line in the sand, I had many opportunities to change my thoughts; a moment to choose what’s best for my recovery ~ one pause to call a friend, one breath to remind me of the consequences, one second to think of my wellbeing, and – finally – one brave moment to choose to leave ‘the line in the sand’ exactly where it is.
We stay addicted, because we keep moving the line!
I stopped moving the line when I finally started to accept and appreciate my worth (which is, contrary to social conditioning, not an egotistical act). It’s a journey I now take one day at a time.